A gift I intended making for Hasna. This gift giving gave me a bit of heartache, for the reason that I got too attached to it while on the process of completing it.
I gave it anyway, because I made it thinking what is best I could give to her.
A gift I intended making for Hasna. This gift giving gave me a bit of heartache, for the reason that I got too attached to it while on the process of completing it.
I gave it anyway, because I made it thinking what is best I could give to her.
I’ve heard this line many times in my entire life. In different occasion and different situation.
Yet, why do I keep telling this to myself? Am I that far? Too near that I am overlooked? Or too available to be needed?
I have been contemplating about how and where my life is heading.
I have been thinking about a partner in life, in love and in faith.
I have been in and out of a relationship to find it, and now too consumed of the question “Will I ever have it?”
I become too engrossed over love stories, how good and bad it could become. But the bottom line is, how people who fight for their love survived the harsh reality and the constant challenge around.
I too has thought, I could give, sacrifice and give up what others could to keep and continue the fire burning.
But will it ever come? Or am I just too impatient, why now?
I have been scared about getting into the responsibilities of a relationship. I have avoided and tried to be away from it.
Why the change of thought?
Am I ready for this?
Too late though. But I realized that too late is sometimes a way of letting us know what we went into is a mistake or not.
I do regret, but the fact that I can no longer turn back time is something that I should face the consequence instead, the consequence of giving so much. It is hard because you were never heard yet judged. You have respected their silence and misinterpreted yours.
The fact that I was treated the way how others was treated was hurting, yet I was not in the position to complain but understand more.
There were things we take and not think before getting into it, yet accused of something else. It pains a lot. It hurts a lot.
I did not choose to like you and care for you, what I have done is something that I wanted to do, for you. The effort I gave doesn’t require to be given back and yet I was accused… It just pains a lot. After braving the scorching sun to get to your place, making excuses from the church just to be able to bring you lunch, even borrowing money from others so I could bring something for you, after making so much thought of how I can help you, of how can I make you comfortable after what you have gone through…… this is what I get?
I don’t want to count what I did, because I am not supposed to. I did everything because I love what I did, and never in my wildest dreams you could turn me like this. I went extra miles understanding you, calling you, texting you, sending viber messages and get what? Nothing. Despite extending my understanding beyond reasons still I ended up the bad person, because I did not use my common sense? At the end of the day I get nasty whispers and insults! I shouldn’t have done what I have done. But because I did it without thinking of getting hurt by the end of the day, I did what I know the best I could.
Now I understand what giving means. It means not expecting anything in return, not even kindness. When you give, you give away a piece of you. Never expect that piece to be returned – or you’ll get hurt. If returned it is only a bonus. God will reward you for all you’ve done, never forget that.
Forget counting the chicks before even getting the egg hatched, or else you will open a candy with a sledge hammer.
Do not fear, do not worry. Losing someone isn’t your loss, it is a blessing that we didn’t recognize until we realized it.
Instead, we should be thankful and take care of those people who finds time for us, before it is too late.
Father’s day had passed. But what really is a father’s day?
In my point of view it is the time one family recognizes one’s fathers achievement as a father to his children, we may include how he is as a husband and a son as he is the epitome of his fathers achievement.
How about those who hasn’t known their fathers all their lives? How would one knows to be a father if he hasn’t had a father of his own? Or, where would one look for a father image to look up to as they grow up if they don’t have anybody? Will they be able to celebrate fathers day? Some find it from their uncles, their neighbor, their step dad and etc.
My own experience comes from having a father figure at once. They were too many to consider and their views and outlook in life differs.
I got to learn a lot. I got to consider a lot. I got to sacrifice a lot.
But nevertheless, having a father of my own, having someone I can call my own comes remote which is next to impossible when I learned he passed away.
I was stubborn. When my mom decided to let me meet my dad, I got excited but I backed out. I got scared. What would I tell him when we meet? How would I tell him I’m his long lost daughter whom I never once felt I was looked for? What would I feel then? Should I feel angry? Should I complain where was he during my growing up years?
When I decided to find him, I was around two years late. He died of lung cancer. I cried at the moment, I was speechless and I regretted why I decided too late.
But I felt liberated. I felt the release of pain, regret, and anger. I feel free.
I decided to find him because I want to do the same to my daughter. Let her meet her father once we get a perfect chance.
Thus, a father’s day does not only mean a celebration intended for the fathers out there but for all who had been our father figures and being a father at the same time for our child as we continue to be a good mom.