Day to day

My day to day

I have been staying at home ever since I was back in the Philippines. And for so long, I feel like I have been idling too much. Sewing, beading, trying to do some fashion designing to the best of my best, reading, doing and making patterns and prototype to sewing my first silk blazer patterned from a favorite one, blog writing that was never published online, writing a love story that ends up with the writer’s block dilemma, reviewing for the upcoming civil service exam to name a few.

I can’t seem to accomplish enough with the above mentioned, becoming my routine that I manage to juggle and prioritize every day. I gave up the bead making that I enrolled after a few sessions, my reason is that I am too occupied with my basic sewing and curtain making lessons to top with the orders that I am getting. Apart from that, I wake up rather late to make up from the lost hours I spend every night doing random stuff.
Whenever I finish something earlier than 12 midnight, I spend some hours watching Korean telenovela where I usually get my fashion inspiration. The infectious love and the feeling I get, crankiness, vindictive, vengeful, sweet, and how they face life in general which I manage meagerly as of now and that I am working on to put into writing the way I want my protagonists develop their own character and fate in my story, it is hitting two birds in one stone, indeed.

I (still) do.. shower, eat but not much, my appetite has been hiding from me since the time I got excited with my sewing thingy. I browse the net and update myself with friends activities through fb, and the thing I hated most is going downtown, to which I do not have much of a choice.

Most of all but not the least, I don’t forget my coffee. However it is made, I don’t care much. The caffeine rush is enough and the most essential thing to begin, continue and end my day.

The thing is, I start and end with a little prayer of thanksgiving, and with my longing for a partner in life, I shape the character through my story heroes that will one day sweep me off my feet. 

Habagat and the recent flooding in the Philippines greater Manila, August 31, 2013

​I didn’t knew I was so affected of the flooding in greater Manila until I dreamed of it this morning.

The scene begun when I told my sister I got to go home, thinking that Eeya is there alone and sleeping. Our house is a few blocks away and from where I am, I can see the whole house.

When I got outside, I realized the flood is already  knee deep. I looked around, the flood is waist deep. I shouted calling my sister, I  told her not to open the windows because the water is past in the middle of it.

My sister went out and together we saw the water coming towards us, it was so quick I didn’t see my sister as we were swept by the coming water and I got a grip on a wooden post beside me hoping for dear life to save me.

The water was gone immediately and then, I saw nothing. everything was wiped out except for the framework of the house and the post where I had gotten hold of. The place was quiet, it looks like a ghost town with next to nothing to see. Then I saw a switch dangling from above. I switched it on, it was working, lighting the frame of the whole house of what is left from flood that washed over. I got on my feet and looked for everyone around. I saw one body of a girl, I do not recognize the face, I gave her a CPR and dear life came back to her. Then I saw another body of a boy and did the same thing, he was revived too. I was getting worried as it gets darker, how will I find those I am looking for? I kept searching and found only flooded stuff of boxes that I gave to the boy for safe keeping.

Then my dream shifted to my niece Tasha. She was playing by the river bank while her mother was a few meters from her. She was watching over her. I was on dry ground when I saw a big snake in the water. I hurriedly took my niece and led her away while telling her mother that I saw a big snake.

Then I wake up.

After Ondoy, shortly after that, came another storm which I forgot what it was called. I was out of the office when it  made its landfall. I was too terrified, the rain was as fierce as Ondoy or so I think. I couldn’t find a cab or a jeep to go home. I was shaking from cold and from my growing anxiety and fear. I was on the top of my lungs when I got hold of a friend. Too cold and nervous when they got me. We headed to a gotohan to warm ourselves as I relax while we drove away.

Ondoy has given a great scare of me. I did not experience the flood nor have been in the water, but the effect around has caused me too jumpy and paranoid.

​ Thinking back of my dream, I​ felt very selfish saving only my own. I regretted ​that I was not able to save my daughter nor my sister on my dream. Yet time was not on my hands. I didn’t have a chance  to go back home and take my daughter. The same as I didn’t even have the chance to look behind me where my sister is when I saw the water came raging at us. Yet I felt guilty being alive.

I brushed off my worries and guilt and murmur a prayer and went back to sleep.

Chockz & Zara – August 19, 2013

1 Corinthians 13:13

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
And Now these three remains: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

For the two people so dear to me who recently got married, my prayers will always be with you. That you will constantly and 100% put God in the center of your lives as you begin your journey together towards life. Life may be difficult, but as you continue to seek God, you eventually grow closer and stronger when challenges comes along.

“One must not let go of each others hand, no matter what”. Easier said that done, but with God, nothing is impossible.
Love must be the beginning and ending of every relationship. The focal point where love and love alone must prevail.

Facebook – connecting people?

I do believe that the famous form of social media like facebook has done great things on the matter of reconnecting lost friends and families.

Yet, other people made facebook an avenue to air their grievances against other people, agencies, companies, groups among others. It has become a tool one can no longer live without. People spend more time facebooking rather than reading, praying, playing and taking more effort in connecting with our love ones. Snail mails is becoming extinct, sending cards and love letters no longer matter.

Facebook has become our ears where we can post what we feel on our walls where others freely leave their comments, make fun of it or seriously take it.

I have nothing against facebook, but the way it is being exploited has taken its toll on me. I recently deactivated my account, for many reasons – people cursing, posting nude photos, using it to tell other people how they sucked, etc..

Can one decent person do the honor of going to the person and say it on the face that he no longer matter? Instead of leaving shout outs that leave other people confused? Does anyone deserves their private life remains private unless they themselves chooses to publicize it?

It saddens me to leave my facebook friends who have become part of my social and personal existence. I have to create a new one that is totally deprived of finding my friends profile whose existence has becoming remote due to the security they have in their accounts. But friendship doesn’t end because an account has ended, it will just make reconnecting full of effort, finding friends more tedious, communicating becoming scarce.

I still spend time on facebook and in many occasions, I just wanted to see how my fb friends life has evolved, changed or stayed the same.

An avoidable mistake

Too late though. But I realized that too late is sometimes a way of letting us know what we went into is a mistake or not.

I do regret, but the fact that I can no longer turn back time is something that I should face the consequence instead, the consequence of giving so much. It is hard because you were never heard yet judged. You have respected their silence and misinterpreted yours.

The fact that I was treated the way how others was treated was hurting, yet I was not in the position to complain but understand more.

There were things we take and not think before getting into it, yet accused of something else. It pains a lot. It hurts a lot.

I did not choose to like you and care for you, what I have done is something that I wanted to do, for you. The effort I gave doesn’t require to be given back and yet I was accused… It just pains a lot. After braving the scorching sun to get to your place, making excuses from the church just to be able to bring you lunch, even borrowing money from others so I could bring something for you, after making so much thought of how I can help you, of how can I make you comfortable after what you have gone through…… this is what I get?

I don’t want to count what I did, because I am not supposed to. I did everything because I love what I did, and never in my wildest dreams you could turn me like this. I went extra miles understanding you, calling you, texting you, sending viber messages and get what? Nothing. Despite extending my understanding beyond reasons still I ended up the bad person, because I did not use my common sense? At the end of the day I get nasty whispers and insults! I shouldn’t have done what I have done. But because I did it without thinking of getting hurt by the end of the day, I did what I know the best I could.

Now I understand what giving means. It means not expecting anything in return, not even kindness. When you give, you give away a piece of you. Never expect that piece to be returned – or you’ll get hurt. If returned it is only a bonus. God will reward you for all you’ve done, never forget that.

Forget counting the chicks before even getting the egg hatched, or else you will open a candy with a sledge hammer.

Do not fear, do not worry. Losing someone isn’t  your loss, it is a blessing that we didn’t recognize until we realized it.

Instead, we should be thankful and take care of those people who finds time for us, before it is too late.