I was asked if I am happy.
When I read the message, I smiled.
I pondered.
I pondered more.
I sighed.
Then I went to bed.
I pondered still.
Sighed.
Until I fell asleep.
The next morning.
I smiled.
A big one.
Indeed.
I am happy.
There are reasons.
And it is my choice.
To be happy.
I am Happy.
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All posts for the month May, 2015
The reality of how you feel about yourself is only known to you, unless you go, blow your trumpet and give yourself away.
I always say this famous liner “cross the bridge when you get there”, but I too is a victim of my own worries and fears.
My confidence was tested and base on my standard, barely passed, but I felt relieve that I was able to make it successfully but not efficiently.
My uncle has on wheel chair for more than three months now. His right leg just below the knee was amputated due to diabetes.
I could see my cousin taking care of him, giving him bath, dressing his wound, settling him down on the commode whenever he needed to poop and on bed.
We would call him whenever he rings his table bell, or the bell we attached to his wheelchair.
I can see how heavy he is whenever he will be wheeled on the ramp to his bedroom.
I would always ask myself, while looking at them, “will I be able to bring him to his bedroom when the need arise?” I mean when there is nobody at home but us?
Come the moment of my fears. After dinner, my uncle was watching the regular news when he rang his bell, I asked him if he wants to go to bed, and he said yes. I went to my cousins room to give him a heads up but he was not there. By the way, I have two male cousins at home, the youngest who was the one giving him primary care and the other one as back up, both of them was not at home during that time.
Using my delaying tactics, I went to the kitchen and do nothing, when I went back to the living room, I smiled and said we would have snacks instead, however, his declaration is firm, he wants to go to bed.
I scratched my head, and smiled, shouting in my head “What to do!?”
So we planned what to do, he said he would wheel and I push him up. The wheelchair didn’t budge. He smiled with resignation and said “Nothing”
Then I tilted the wheelchair and tried to push, it moved.
I pushed him through his back on my hips and push with all my might until we passed through the small crevice that the front wheel gets always stuck. “Success!” we declared happily. Wheeling to his room, I have another dilemma, how to put him on bed.
At the foot of the bed, we planned what to do. He was saying out loud what we needed to do while helping himself ready. He placed his left foot on the floor, I positioned my right foot, bending a little, wrap my arms around him while he held me by my neck and voile! we did it! I was worried later if I hurt his injured leg, but he said he is fine. We were all smiles and I felt victorious too.
I set his mosquito net and tuck him to bed. He said out loud his thank you and I just smiled, misty eyed.
Within me, I was shouting with great joy, I made it! Not only I was able help my uncle but prove that my fears are baseless, indeed it was baseless. How could I think of the difficulty without trying it first.
I remembered my previous boss again. Whenever I thought I have proven something to myself, he would be the first person that would come to mind. He was the one who believed in me, pushed me hard and brought me out from my so secured secluded self of insecurities.